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29 December 2009 @ 10:18 pm
Building Up  
Building Up
Summary: Greg reflects on his and Warrick's previous relationships and how they led up to this one.


Building Up


It's been a lazy afternoon. Greg's lying on the couch with his head in Warrick's lap. The Sunday paper is strewn across the floor in front of them - the sports section and funnies at the top of the pile. Sunlight is streaming in through the balcony doors and windows. Even with the television on and a game playing, the stereo is still quietly playing - both of them too lazy to get up and turn it off. It isn't a special afternoon or a particularly exciting one, but Greg still can't imagine anywhere else he'd rather be.

When he was younger, Greg used to imagine his ideal relationship and it was never like this. He never imagined it being so...comfortable. He never imagined loving someone so much. He never imagined someone loving him the way Warrick does - flaws and all.

There are times when Greg wishes they had met earlier, found each other sooner. He wishes Warrick was his first, his first relationship, his first love, his first everything. Instead of being together for five years, they could have been together for ten or fifteen. They could have been happier earlier, longer.

Before he gets too far into this particular fantasy though, he remembers his first relationship and all of the things he didn't know or understand. He's also heard enough about Warrick and his prior relationships to know that had they met any earlier, they likely wouldn't have been together for very long.

All of their previous relationships were building up to this.

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Greg never had a lot of friends in high school. He wasn't unpopular, but he just never connected with people his own age. His first boyfriend was a college junior named Ryan and the main attraction was a common interest, common life perspective. Greg and Ryan were both ambitious with five-year plans on how to accomplish their goals. A couple of years into their relationship, Greg realized that all of their plans didn't include each other. Greg made plans. Ryan made plans. "They" never made plans. When things ended, Greg came to the conclusion that he was just too old for high school guys and too young for college guys. In hindsight though, he and Ryan just had different priorities. Towards the end of their relationship, Greg had wanted their relationship to come first and Ryan was incapable of doing that.

It took awhile for Warrick to find his purpose, to find something he was passionate about. Before he found science, he was passionate about Victoria. During college, Warrick's life was Victoria, and Victoria's life was music, gambling...drugs and an assortment of other risky behaviors. Warrick doesn't talk about that time in his life with Greg often. Greg knows there are parts of Warrick's past that he isn't very proud of.  Greg doesn't know much, but from the little he's been told, he knows that Warrick and Victoria were in a pretty low place when Warrick finally broke it off. Warrick says he had to find his own way, had to get out while it was still an option. 

Greg imagines what it would have been like if they had met at that point. He's sure that he never would have given Warrick the time of day. If they had by some miracle  gotten together it wouldn't have lasted. Warrick's lack of motivation would have grated on his nerves. Warrick would have wanted more, he'd have wanted their relationship to be number one. And while Greg had wanted that from Ryan, at 17 he wasn't ready for it. 

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Out of all Warrick's previous relationships, Greg is most jealous of Mark. It might have to do with the fact that Mark was the only man Warrick dated before Greg. More likely though, it has to do with how Warrick describes that relationship - "passionately destructive." Greg remembers the conversations he had with Warrick about Mark. Rick had told him about how possessive he was, how jealous he was of everyone Mark interacted with. Little things would lead to huge accusatory arguments. There was never peace in their relationship.

At one point Greg asked, "You're not possessive of me?"

Warrick had laughed. "Believe me. If I could keep you locked in this house and happy, you'd never see the light of day. Greg if you...you know how I feel about infidelity. And if someone ever touched you in the wrong way, I'd probably end up in jail. The difference now is that I know you love me. I'm not expecting you to cheat on me at every turn. I think I'm worth being faithful too."

Greg would have been the worst boyfriend for Warrick at that point. After his relationship with Ryan had ended, Greg's favorite word became "casual." Casual sex, casual relationships. He dated Andrew for two years in college and slept around for all two years. Greg had been honest from the beginning. Andrew knew the score but he still stuck around. Looking back, Andrew was probably the only man before Warrick that truly loved Greg. He had been monogamous and faithful for the majority of their relationship. It wasn't until the very end that Andrew slept with someone that wasn't Greg and he was completely devastated by his own actions. Right before they broke up Andrew told Greg, "I hate the person I am when I'm with you."

XXXXXXXXXX



Greg tried taking his next relationship a little more seriously. But he had just started his first post-college and was a little self-absorbed at the time. Greg was very focused on himself and making a good impression at work. Jeff ended their year long relationship over coffee. He was moving back to Wisconsin to take care of a sick mother Greg knew nothing about. It was the first break up he experienced that didn't involve any sort of sadness. He just wasn't upset about the break up. Looking back, he can see that he knew very little about Jeff. He never made an effort to know.

Nick still teases Warrick about his last relationship. He bought Aimee a three hundred dollar purse. And Greg knows that was one of the less extravagant gifts he had given her. Warrick spoiled Aimee.. He spoils Greg. Warrick's just that type of guy. Warrick and Aimee dated for a year and a half but they were never serious. She never met Grams. She never met Nick. The few times she has come up and Warrick talks about the end of their relationship, he always ends up saying, "I don't know what happened." Greg thinks he knows. Warrick has always been a difficult guy to know. He has walls surrounding layers protecting issues with a capital "I." You can talk to him for hours and never learn anything about him. He's seen Warrick talk circles around people on the job just to keep them at bay. After his emotionally intense relationships with Victoria and Mark, Warrick likely kept his walls up around Aimee.

XXXXXXXXXX


Greg knows he and Warrick owe their past relationships a lot. Those relationships taught them how to be in this one. Greg's past relationships made him grow up. They taught him how to be a "we," how to put another person first. Warrick learned balance, how to be in a relationship without losing himself or forcing his partner to lose themselves. Without those lessons learned, they never would have made it this far.

Warrick's hand drifts from Greg's hair to his face. He uses his thumb to smooth out the wrinkle in between Greg's brows. "What are you thinking about?"

Greg looks up from Warrick's lap. "About how we couldn't have met at a better time."





The End



Next on Deck: A story featuring Grams and family.

 
 
 
blueberry_09: tea!blueberry_09 on February 19th, 2010 11:07 am (UTC)
I used to write csi slash back in time, was my first attempt to.
This brought me back in the days, and in a wonderful way, too.
I wanna see more CSI now :D